Dark and Twisty

Another post with no pictures.  Sorry!

I woke up dark and twisty this morning.  You know your head is never in a good place if you wake up crying.  Perhaps it's the weather.  Or maybe the release of stress from the previous midterms week (which, I would like to report, resulted in zero meltdowns, but certainly limited brain and social capabilities).  But I think it's because of this:

I have repeated, very vivid anxiety dreams about my mission.

Yes, my mission.  

Leap Day made four years since my arrival home.  I loved my mission and, though I don't keep in good contact with my Boston/Cape Cod peeps (or anyone for that matter), they are still some of the dearest people I know. Some of my best memories are in Cape Cod, specifically.  

So, then, WHY do I have repeated, vivid anxiety dreams about my mission where I cannot, simply CANNOT, go tracting or contacting.  Can't do it.  I can't talk to people or mesh with the ward and I feel so unbearably lonely.  I wake up crying from those dreams.  Or dark and twisty.  And I have them probably every other week, sometimes multiple nights in a row.

I think I am broken.  And that's no lie.